So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
