Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
