I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
