I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
