Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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