i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
