so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize