I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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