I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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