More tranny stories later!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
