you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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