Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize