i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
