At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize