I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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