Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
