Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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