he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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