We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
