i love accidental penises.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
