we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
