I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
