love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
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