mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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