don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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