I wish I could punch you in the face.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
