I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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