you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
