At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
