He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
