Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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