I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize