There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
