I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
