somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
