"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize