but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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