I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize