can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
