I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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