hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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