i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
