i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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