God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
