Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
