yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
