I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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