She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
