and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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