How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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