i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
