I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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