I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize