Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Apparently you make a good broom.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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