My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
