So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
