How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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