So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
