My underwear smells like fireworks.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
