Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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