I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize