Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
