Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
