i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
