At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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