Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
